My aging Virgo, I know how troubled you are. Life has surely been an onion for you, layered with foul stench from birth. There are so many issues we need to cover to get you back on the right path, but it will not be an easy task, for you, nor I.

Childhood. The word alone brings back pain, as it does for most of us. You're certainly not the only child who had an obsessive, God-fearing mother. Of course, I will not argue the fact that her sentiment towards women, including herself, was a bit twisted. We both know that not all women are whores and prostitutes, nor instruments of the Devil. And we both know sex is a vital part of life and sanity, not just a tool for God's silly scheme of procreation. At least you should by now, regardless of mother's influence.

Some would say that you liked mother a bit too much. It's OK. How could you not, she was your only friend. Well, her and brother, until he died. You loved brother, too, but his loss only strengthened your relationship with mother. Such a strange death, deemed asphyxiation by the county coroner. How you led the police to the bruised body, several feet away from the fire that the two of you had been fighting, will always be questionable. But those demons are yours to battle later on, so forget about what happened that night. When friends and family whisper that you got "lucky" on that one behind your back, forget about it. This is about mother, not dead brother.

Yes, I know mother is gone too, at least physically. She died of stroke years ago, but the house that you and her shared sits untouched, like she still lives. That's a bit creepy, Virgo. Perhaps not as creepy as the thoughts you harbor. I know you miss her, and understandably so. She was mother. But, I must say, that does not give you right to rob graves of recently deceased women who favored her. That's beyond twisted, my Virgo. Perhaps it's time to clean house, her's and yours. If not, these ill thoughts could manifest into something far worse than grave robbery. Believe me, I have seen it.

I also know your friends adore you. You baby-sit their kids, as you always have. The children love it too. How could they not? Your home is like a museum from the 50s,since mother died. And what kid doesn't enjoy tales of human skulls and bones from far away lands? I only hope they're cheap imitations from Africa as you say. Then there are the rumors of a naked ghost who dances under the pale moonlight in your backyard, allegedly resembling your late mother. All this is a bit too motherish for even me, more so if it is you dancing under the pale moonlight while wearing the skin of a dead woman who resembled your mother.

If so, Virgo, what's next? We both know the answer to that question. Fresh skin. Unfortunately, you can't stop thinking about the gal at the market who looks too much like mother. She's in your head. Don't do it. Please, don't do it. I beg of you, she is a mother. Do not shoot her. Do not cut her head off and hang her decapitated body upside down like the carcass of a hunted animal. Please don't. These thoughts will put you in the same place as it did another infamous Virgo, institutionalized. Perhaps you've heard of him, Ed Gein?

After being sent to Central State Hospital for the murders of Bernice Worden and Mary Hogan, Gein's home was burned to the ground, his tombstone chipped to pieces and stolen by someone from the Seattle area, and his car sold to a freak show to view for twenty-five cents. Is this really the legacy you want to leave mother, Virgo?

Disclaimer: For all you crazy, fucking weirdos out there, this horrorscope is for entertainment purposes only. It does not in any shape or form depict any real characters or situations in your near future. So please don't kill anyone. Killings bad, MmmKay?