Pick Up Lesson #1

by Jacqueline Hyde
July 2008

As a professional instructor of Ballroom and Latin dancing for well over ten years now, I have discovered many things about the art of dancing as it relates to the general social interaction. Whether someone is partnership dancing or dancing by him or herself, dance can be deemed as a platform for foreplay under certain social conditions. I could take the time to list all of the different conditions, but frankly that would overwhelm everyone including myself.

Many people fail to realize how much dance, especially social dance, can be the best form of foreplay. What is the real reason people dance? Now all other reasons and motivations aside the reason could be one of two things, they really love to move their body, or two, they want to be noticed in some way by those people on the sidelines watching them dance. Obviously, there are many reasons that could be added to this commentary, most people want to be swept up into a moment of romance or passion.

Many people are intimidated by the basic learning of how to social dance. That is a fear that needs to be abolished, as everyone needs to start somewhere. Let me tell you, you can screw up a lot, but the time and effort to learn and make the effort to please someone that you have attraction for is worth it all. As a dance professional, it is my responsibility to those who come to learn from me, to teach them to a level which gets them to their immediate goals. Nine times out of ten it is so that they can go out dancing and meet someone. When I survey my students to find out what their needs and goals are, most have selected "More Fun and Enjoyment out of life" or "Social Acceptance". While I don't have the statements, "I want to pick up chicks" or "I want to get laid", I have been approached by students to teach them how to not only dance, but how do they become that suave person that gets the ladies or gents. Frankly, it is becoming a well-rounded social dancer that makes you the person everyone wants.

It is funny how many people say, "I just want to Salsa dance" or "I just want to Swing dance". It is in my humble opinion that most people just say that as a popular answer. What dances really get you is to that point where you can meet the maximum amount of "options for dating"? What happens when you are on that date, do you go dancing? How can that dancing lead to something more?

To follow, I will be looking specifically at American style dances. There are differences in the International style, but most people prefer the American style as it is the most popularly generalized from institutions of Arthur Murray and Fred Astaire.

Smooth dances are Foxtrot, Waltz, Tango, and Viennese Waltz (Quickstep can be thrown in but is not an American style dance). Rhythm dances are Rumba, Cha Cha, Bolero, Samba, Mambo, East Coast Swing, West Coast Swing. Social dances are Argentine Tango, Salsa, Merengue, Bachata, Lindy Hop, Blues and many more. With the afore mentioned style of dances, learning a variety helps people develop smoothness and leading and following skills, but most importantly it teaches someone proximity. When and where to not hold someone close. When to use your hips and when not to. It teaches people control which in itself is part of foreplay. In partnership dancing, a person allows for 2 to 5 minutes to be in the arms of another person without strings. In some circles of dancing, there is a slight protocol when it comes to dancing again with someone. For instance, you give your partner in Argentine Tango the opportunity to dance three dances in a row, as Argentine Tango is viewed more as a nonverbal conversation rather than just dancing. You are held in an embrace with someone for the duration of approximately 10 minutes total. Body language in Argentine Tango is massively intense at times, just as the music is equally moving. Argentine Tango teaches people to actually get to know the internal/physical rhythm of your partner. Argentine Tango allows you to have an argument and make up without saying a word, and it gives to those people who are shy, the opportunity to flirt with body language. Don't get me wrong, you can have a few bad dances in a row and it just not work out, but for the most part, you learn about someone.

Another dance, like Salsa for instance, teaches you how to feel happy, move and have that momentary expression of sensuality. Yet what helps Salsa the most is the study of Rumba. As Rumba is the dance of love and also slow enough to actually learn the art of Cuban Hip motion. Let me just tell you from personal experience, Cuban Hip Motion is a bonus in the sac! When you see someone who can actually move their hips and have that control, like a Belly Dancer, you begin to wonder what it would be like to have them in your arms for more "exotic" activities. Therefore, you see here, that learning Salsa and Rumba work well together. Blues dancing, my personal favorite, along with Swango, is terribly intense when it comes to moving the body. Think of it as legalized dirty dancing. Body rolling, fully rhythm movement, gets most partners into a stir. Blues dancing has a strong relationship with Argentine Tango and West Coast Swing. West Coast Swing being ideal for Rhythm and Blues music.

It is like that for all the dances. Learning more than one is like having a buffet of conversation while holding someone in your arms. Did I mention that there are sensory points on the areas of the frame that when you are holding or being held, the partner feels the beginnings of euphoria and pleasure?

Think about it, for all of you who say you can't dance to this or that, ask a professional like myself or at one of the studios in the area. We can tell you that, yes, you can dance. That you can dance close when listening to your favorite music, including hard rock or other stuff that makes you get your groove on. I teach many students who love Rock and I show them how to do Viennese Waltz to Metallica or even Rumba to Stained. You can even do Argentine Tango to nontraditional Tango music (note - I respect all forms of music as an instructor).

Next time you wonder why you are being left out in the cold, either out-and-about or in the bedroom, think about taking dance lessons to get your body actually rhythmically sound (Yes everyone has rhythm it is just a matter of teaching people how to feel the music and what the steps are. Everyone learns this when they begin to learn social dancing). Partnership dancing really teaches you how to have confidence that you can please someone whether you are enjoying a dance or something more fun in the bedroom.

PS: Don't expect dance foreplay to work every time, as it takes practice to get those right moves down.