The Original Osama Bin Laden or How to End Terrorism

by Sir Mark Bruback - October 2008

Before the rat bastard known as Osama Bin Laden was a glimmer in his father's eye, (or the goat milk delivery man's), there was another fanatic Islamic terrorist leader. Although this particular psychotic, Koran-thumper was wrecking havoc 900+ years before the monster who killed 3000 Americans on 9.11 in New York, in the exact same mountains of Afghanistan, it is more than relevant today.

His name was Hasan i Sabbah and he founded the Hasshashins or Hash Assassins, a super-secret society of Islamic killers, trained in the deadly arts of sabotage, extortion and, of course, assassination. Founded in 1090A.D. this Ismaili sect of Shia Muslims gained much ground and infused terror in the hearts of those living in the "holy" land.

Also known as The Old Man of the Mountains, Hasan i Sabbah created a system of initiations to slowly bring poor, disenfranchised middle-eastern youth into the fold of his dangerous web of murder and conspiracy. Of note are their tactics and initiations that are still emulated to this day in the lands they have been in since their founding: Iran, Iraq, Syria and Afghanistan. A clever and simple plan was used in order to bring new candidates into the fold.

Agents of the Assassins would find young men in villages and towns & would promise them riches beyond their wildest dreams and an opportunity to go to some of the highest levels of paradise or heaven. To a kid, poorer than dirt and having a bleak future of continuing his family's business of farming, textiles or whatever else paid the bills, being presented with an alternative greatly impressed. The agents would then bust out a hookah and smoke them out with a high potency strain of hashish until they passed out. They would next smuggle them to one of the many strongholds the Assassins owned and wait.

Once the youth awoke, his reality was completely shocked into another paradigm. Upon opening his eyes, he found himself within the walls of an amazingly splendid palace. Gold inlay and Islamic pattern work carved into the walls of a room bigger than any room he had ever been. Yet beyond this to a teenage youth was the amazingly beautiful, scantily-clad women walking around him. He was told they were the 72 virgins Houri had mentioned in the Koran. Stroking the young man's hair, feeding him delicious foods from around the world in servings bigger than he got in a month, the women would also indulge him in sexual gratification.

As the youth blissed out in this surreal dreamscape, the agents would then smoke him out and wait for him to pass out again. Once this was done, the youth was brought back to his little village and left to sleep. Awaking the next morning, agents would appear once more and tell the youth that Hasan i Sabbah, their leader, had given him a glimpse of paradise. If he wanted to be in this state forever he could do so by joining the Assassins where paradise would be his.

These interesting techniques of programming are tales that continue to this day. It is well known that Afghanistan grows much of the hyper strains of hashish today, commonly known as 'Kush', (for the Kush region for which it is grown). Fanatics such as Osama Bin Laden still promise their twisted faithful, paradise, a religious carrot-on-a-stick, to do their bidding now for a reward later.

It is my belief that supplying these regions of the world with modern conveniences and opportunities (beyond the meek, third-world ghettos they are) would sway these future terrorists into productive, global citizens. A simple shift in consciousness in accepting that paradise is here, right now, as we speak will awaken them to a positive reality.

Now I might seem to be too peace, love and hippy style, yet I do believe in lancing off a cancer, such as Osama Bin Laden (if he's not dead already). It is said that the Hash Assassins would leave a dagger on the pillow of those they wanted to sway, your mind is the soft Egyptian cotton, this piece is the dagger. Ciao.