by Brian A. Boone
Vol 2 Issue 16

With no clear frontrunner for the Democratic nomination for president, the endorsements are rolling in. Al Gore and Bill Bradley have endorsed Howard Dean while Madonna has given her approval to Wesley Clark. Many major newspapers have declared their backing for John Edwards and John Kerry.

The year's most influential cultural icon has finally broken his silence. Gollum has publicly endorsed Senator Joseph Lieberman. He then went on to critically lambast Lieberman before endorsing him again. Finally, he violently lashed out at him once more.

"We loves the Josephs Libermans. He supports gun control and a realistic policies for sendings peoples back to work," Gollum told reporters.

"NO! We hates the Josephs Libermans! He wants to kills us! He wants to take away our taxes, our jobs, our PRECIOUS!" Gollum added, turning sharply to the left.

Turning back to the right quickly, Gollum retorted his own criticism. "The Josephs Libermans loves us! He would never hurtses us or take our precious!"

"NO! He means to takes it away from us! It's MINE!" Gollum added.

Joseph Lieberman issued a statement thanking Gollum for his support and wished to remind voters that this endorsement should prove once and for all that he and Gollum are, in fact, two different people.