HO HO BLOW! Tis the season, and all that rot, for eggnog, fruit cakes, carolling in the streets, and making merry with Santa’s sexy elves. What the hell – did I just SAY that? Well I’m game for a Christmas-themed column if you are so this month I’m taking off my “Player” hat and putting on the Santa hat. How you like me now??? What are Huggy’s plans for the Christmas season, you ask? For starters I will be at the Jules Maes Christmas variety show hosted by notorious Seattle rocker Johnny Skullfock on Friday, December 21st, where yours truly is one of the scheduled variety acts and I will be playing a short acoustic set of tender hot rockers. Christmas Eve I will be down at the mission slicing the Christmas ham for the vagrants followed by a trip to the Childrens Hospital where I will be handing out gifts and singing a few songs for the children. The children there always enjoy receiving my 8x10 glossies, let me tell you. After that I will swing by the old folks home to play a few games of chess with the old timers. Those are MY plans for Christmas, what are yours? Now here are some questions that have come my way via the good old myspace messaging service...

Dear Huggy,
I know this has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, being a Player, or whatever the hell it is you’re trying to do with your column, but what do you think of Vintage French Puppetry? Is it still culturally relevant?
--Jenndowell , Seattle

Dear Jenndowell,
What an excellent, excellent question. Yes Jenn, Vintage French Puppetry is still vital even today in the age of myspace, iTunes, and Cartoon Network. Metaphorically speaking, we are all puppets in the great scheme of things, our lives slaves to the whims of the Puppetmaster, our pathetic lives dangling from string. As my great, great-grandfather Elvis Blow III used to say, “The world is a stage, and we are all puppets on that stage.” I myself can’t get enough of Vintage French Puppetry, even though I can’t understand a word those little bastards are saying, but it must be hilarious judging by the canned laughter.

Dear Huggy...
I know that there is no Santa Claus, but is there really a Huggy Blow?
--Vagina, Bellevue

Yes Vagina, there IS a Huggy Blow. And I’m not just talking about “yours truly,” but there’s a little Huggy Blow in ALL of us, metaphysically speaking. The Indian cashier at the 7-11? There’s a little Huggy Blow in him. The bespectacled old lady working at the library? There’s a little Huggy Blow in her too. The hipster barista that makes your latte every morning? Yep, there’s a little Huggy Blow in him for sure. The sexy hot blonde bombshell at the strip club? There’s a whole lot of Huggy Blow in her, let me tell you something. And the creepy old dude with the grizzled beard and the crazy eyes that leers at you on the bus? There’s no Huggy Blow in him... stay away from that man.

Dear Huggy
What are your plans for Christmas this year? Would you like to come over and... fill my stocking for me? (photo attached with email)
--Sexy Elfen Girl, Seattle

Dear Sexy Elfen Girl,
Thanks for the sexy photo of you wearing nothing but a Santa hat and a white beard. As I’ve mentioned earlier in the column I’m pretty much booked up this Christmas, but after all my holiday duties have been taken care of I just may have time to slide down your chimney, unwrap your gifts, and fill your stocking with some Huggy Blow holiday goodies. I’ll supply the holly jolly, you supply the ho ho ho. And just wait till you taste my fruitcake. I mean this all in a non-sexual way, of course. But if I do come by... please ditch the beard -- I prefer my women clean shaven.

_________________________________________

Okay kids, that’s all I’ve got time for this month! I’m going to peace out with my special Christmas poem which I’ve written just for you, you, and especially YOU! Have a great holiday season and I’ll see you under the mistletoe!

Jingle Jangle, ho ho ho!
Please don’t eat the yellow snow...
Merry Christmas!
from Paul Ace Diamond “Huggy” Blow

Got a question for Huggy Blow? Got a good pick-up line? Got naked pictures of your hot mom? Email them to Huggy at paulblow@gmail.com.