YOWZA! Brand new column! This is a fluff piece on dating and sex, sex and dating, from the Player’s perspective. Now before you haters start, this is all done in fun for entertainment purposes only. If any of you sad suckers actually take my advice and get slapped in the face by the babes, you only have yourself to blame. But if you get laid out of it... well, you can send me a nice canned ham and a thank you note. Now, personally, I don’t see myself as a “Player” but as a “Loverman”... but since the ladies insist on calling me a “Player” a Player I shall be! Now let’s get on with the fun, here’s round one of questions that have come Huggy’s way... so let’s get down, let’s get dirty, and let’s DO this!

Dear Huggy,
If I learn the bagpipes will I get chicks?
--Mysterious Stranger, Redmond

Dear MS,
What the hell, you come to me with this ridiculous question? Yes, of COURSE you will get chicks if you learn the bagpipes, but NOT the chicks you want. Stick with the guitar, mate.

Dear Huggy...
With AIDS being an epidemic and herpes on the rise once again.. what advice do you give to Groupies about keeping SAFE when practicing our art? Condoms are only 70% effective... do we risk that 30% and gain fame? Please help...
--A Rocker Lovin’ Honey, Florida

Dear Rocker Lovin’ Honey,
Huggy Blow understands your dilemma and feels your pain. My own thoughts are that 70% is better than 0%, but statistically the only safe sex is no sex at all. Abstinence, as you know, and consequences of one’s actions are... um, well, they are... oh what the hell... Go for it, girl, GO FOR THE FAME!

Dear Huggy,
Does this outfit make my ass look too big? (Photo attached with email)
--Jet, Seattle

Dear Jet,
Thank you very much for the photograph of you doggystyle in a bathtub wearing nothing but a fresh coat of paint. A Player always enjoys receiving such photos from the ladies. As far as your painted ass is concerned, it looks adequate – not too big, not too small – but I’m not sure I like the color of the paint. I do believe an aqua or fuschia color would better compliment the highlights of your ass, artistically speaking. But I’m just judging by a grainy jpeg photograph here. I do believe I will have to study that ass further, really get in there and investigate “in the flesh” so to speak, to give you the proper answer that you require.

Dear Huggy,
Can a “Player” ever feel love?
--Shelley, Bellevue

Dear Shelly,
You were right to come to me... yes, Shelly, a Player can feel love. However, you must understand that a Player’s love is very different than that of a square. A Player does not just fall in love with one particular woman as does a square, a Player is in love with ALL women as a species. A Player is in love with the female body, in all its shapes and sizes. A Player also loves himself, and he loves his freedom as well. A Player can fall in love with one woman, but it is rare as a Player is mighty particular as he is in essence in quest of “the one.” Does that make sense? It does to me...
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HUGGY’S PICK-UP LINE OF THE MONTH:
“Allow me to introduce myself. I’m your new boyfriend.”

HUGGY’S FASHION TIP OF THE MONTH:
Polyester is BACK, baby, and it’s sexy hot!

Got a question for Huggy Blow? Got a good pick-up line? Got naked pictures of your hot mom? Email them to Huggy at paulblow@gmail.com.

Paul Ace Diamond “Huggy” Blow, best known as a musician and spoken word artist, was voted “Most Sensitive Player” at the 2005 Players Banquet. He is currently working on a book based on his exploits, titled “A Player Plays, But a Sensitive Player Plays Harder,” and he rocks in punk/glam band the SPACE CRETINS.