written by Gavin Loch
October 2002 Vol 1 Issue 1

Oxygen: colourless, tasteless, odourless gas, most abundant of all elements, existing in air and combined with water and minerals, essential to life.Considering such a description, one would not perceive a pressing need to inhale even more of this ubiquitous gas. Issues of hyperventilation aside, there are a growing number of individuals that do not subscribe to this perspective. As a consequence, the oxygen bar has emerged to meet this need. A few months ago, following directions from a recently converted acquaintance, I visited the Piccadilly area of London for an appointment with ‘The RoxyOxy’.

Sounding like a glitzy nightclub from the 1960s that Bardot might have frequented, The RoxyOxy was of suitably peculiar decor. Inside, the scene presented to me was that of an upmarket and exotic fortune-teller: generic oriental carpets, arcane quartz artifacts, ruby coloured silks and curtains hanging from walls; and numerous candles on small oak tables, incandescent in the dim light. There was a certain sensual ambience to the place. To the rear, the bar was situated, with a number of vibrant liquids in clear containers. Negotiating some candelabra and low-hung baubles, I approached warily.

Behind the bar was an attractive, if not attentive, gothic creature: a girl quite similar in appearance to Siouxie of ‘the Banshees’ fame. On her black shirt, a silver badge declared: ‘Zara - Oxygen Harmony Consultant’. My own maxim being that it’s best to try everything in life at least once, I threw caution to the wind and handed over $8 for a 5-minute session, helpfully mentioning that I was a Virgo. The Siouxsie look-alike then proceeded to give me some revealing mumbo-jumbo concerning the real benefits of oxygen. Oxygen in the RoxyOxy is 98 percent pure, relieves stress, awakens the mind, and improves memory and metabolism. Above all, it unifies the mind, body and spirit; and leaves one feeling happy, focused and invigorated for up to seven hours after the experience. I think the last part was still pertaining to oxygen; but I’m not positive.

The girl then gave me a long plastic tube, which ended in a nosepiece for my nostrils. This tube was inserted into a hole at the base of the four tanks of liquid. A switch on each tank thus enabled the user to inhale a percentage of each flavour at once, or just have one switch on, in order to gain the full aroma of that particular oxygen. The first tank was full of green liquid, peppermint flavour, of uplifting properties; the second, of deep blue liquid, lavender, said to be calming; the third, azure, of eucalyptus, for purification; last and most interesting, of pale red, and cherry scented, was an aphrodisiac. My ethereal voyage was about to begin.

Electing to embark with good faith, I opened the valve for eucalyptus. The feeling was somewhat akin to inhaling menthol: my sinuses suddenly became much clearer. Growing in confidence, I experiment with ratios of peppermint and lavender. However, playing with these without any noticeable shift in perception, I introduced the remaining element to my mixture. Then, something strange happened.

It was as if I had just awoken from a deep and luxurious sleep: I felt fresh, lively and invigorated. I was floating along a narrow corridor, at the end of which was a large ornate hall with a glass cupola. The hall was filled with a strong, white light, although it did not strain my eyes in the slightest. I continued to float - or rather, to be guided by a special force - into the centre of the hall, where suddenly, out of no-where, appeared an angel. Beautiful, blonde and wearing a long white robe, she informed me that I had entered The Hall of Supreme Harmony and Fulfilment. Then, asking if I wished to experience the ultimate in fulfilment, she started to undress while looking at me seductively. This was turning out to be a rather hedonistic pursuit. Directing my full attention at her gorgeous figure, she then proceeded to…

‘Time’s up Sir, Hope you enjoyed your oxygen experience’. Well, I guess my dream had to end sometime. Like many things in life, the key to enjoyment is in your own mind. As for oxygen, it’s a gas!