Welcome to 'Spirit of Diana', a pay-per-view TV show perfectly suited to these avaricious times. Starring eccentric British psychics Josslyn and Edina Smith-Smythe-Smith, who will attempt to contact the late Princess of Wales. Here is a sample from the first show.

The couple is seated at a table, in a small, darkened room. The latter is lit with numerous candles, in an attempt to give an eerie ambience.

'In this, the first edition of our unique show', says Josslyn, 'we'll be attempting to get in touch with one of the most wonderful, caring, beautiful and perfect human beings ever to have lived: Diana, Princess of Wales. Isn't that so, Edina?'

'Yes. We feel that Diana will make the most of this opportunity, to express her 'inner sanctuary', her hopes and her fears. Also, we thank you, the viewer, for joining us, by generous use of your credit card, on this ethereal voyage into the unknown'.

Josslyn places an Ouija board on the table, adjusts some of the letters and signs, and clasps his wife's hand. The séance begins. They close their eyes and let their minds drift to three thoughts: money, money and more money.

Josslyn begins to chant, in a slow, quiet tone: 'D-I-A-N-A, D-I-A-N-A, Angel of Althorp, Queen of Hearts, lover of banal 1980s pop music, fashion-conscious playgirl, cunning 'player' of the media, Most Perfect Spirit in the Sky. If you can hear our voice, establish contact.

'Hello there', says The Voice That Is Diana. 'Please address me as Princess Di from now on, even though I am at one with The Afterlife. I left this earth as a Princess, and will remain eternally so, living or deceased'.

'So good to hear from you Princess Di’, remarks Josslyn. Indeed - Di In The Sky! That was my little joke, and now I can continue with the serious nature of this séance. Let's start with some of the e-mails that our viewers have just sent in. This one from Mrs Dorothy 'Dotty' Jones: If my pet poodle Tyson died, would it arrive in the same Afterlife as me, or go to a special animal Afterlife? An excellent question to open with'.

'No comment' says The Voice That Is Diana.

'Send your answers on a postcard' says Edina. 'I'd like to ask you Princess, isn't it very boring up there, away from all the attention and limelight and charitable work?'

'It is very boring, as time is irrelevant up here. Mostly I just float around seeking admiration and attention, while looking beautiful, (which, some may say, is what I did when I was living!), as well as conversing with the other angels. It does have its benefits though - at least I don't need to eat! Also, while I do have lots of essential 'time and space', part of me does miss the glamour celebrity side - especially, OK! However, do let them know, a special Princess Di tribute edition would be good. At least it would knock that Welsh starlet and her actor husband off the front page'.

'Finally', says Josslyn, 'what new memorial would you wish to have, in order for people to pay tribute?'.

'An 800 foot white, marble statue of myself, with a crown, on an island in The Thames. At last, Britain's Statue of Liberty. Instead, we could call it The Princess Diana Statue of Freedom In An Oppressive And Manipulative World. Or simply, Angel!'

Tune in next week to discover how aristocratic con artists Josslyn and Edina can relieve you of more money, while convincing you that only they can contact the real Elvis. Also, you can find out more details of the couple through their new bestseller “The A-Z Celebrity Séance Guide', and watch them on the new series of 'Who Wants To Be A Psychic Millionaire'. Website: www.gullibleanddeeplytragic.com.