A Holiday Conversation From Hell

by Justin Arnold - Vol 2 Issue 14

Ah, the holidays, what a vicious and ugly time. Surrounded by the gibbering horde of fiends otherwise known as friends and family, I look for any avenue of possible escape. Why is it when Christmas nears people seem to just get…well…stupid? The banality of the conversation is staggering and it is giving me brain bubbles. For instance, I was recently assaulted with this gem of a conversational nugget which I have shortened for your enjoyment:

"I am so sick of the term 'African-Americans', it's so stupid...it's the destiny of America to invade Iraq as it is the most powerful nation in the world...Bush is a G-O-D...drill, drill, drill the fuck out of Alaska..."

So after having to suffer through these conversations of thinly veiled bigotry, imperialistic idiocy, right-wing propaganda and capitalistic rapaciousness, I thought it appropriate to respond with the loudest voice I have. So with no further adieu…

1. The reason White America will never understand the term 'African-American' is because they lack any real racial or cultural identity themselves. There are of course those intrepid few who work very hard to keep their cultural history alive, but in my view those who are more than three generations deep in this Land of the Great Unwashed are just plain vanilla and are blissfully reproducing their angry ignorance in their progeny; children who will grow up with the same lack of reverence for their own past and a fierce disrespect for anyone else’s let alone those who take pride in it. Of course there are those of you within the Clan of the Cave Mullet who shall disagree with me and that's fine. It's your prerogative. But perhaps you should take a moment to investigate where that little bit of anger is blossoming from, perhaps those 'ignorant niggers' aren’t half as bad as your trailer park, middle class, leech like existence that has bled the soul from so many...including yourself.

2. I refuse to believe that any country has such a thing as a ‘Manifest Destiny.’ Such words were uttered by the Gerries in WW I & II, resulting in the genocide of a people merely because of their creed. And now, gentle reader...listen to the ominous rumblings of a country, once again espousing the same fascist doctrine to save ten cents on the price of petrol, perhaps planning the destruction of thousands of Muslims...all because this country has been whipped into a rabid patriotic fervor. Oscar Wilde wrote, "Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." This truth still keeps today. I cant speak out against American foreign policy these days without some WASP spearing me with a steely eye, perhaps plotting my very destruction on the spot because I am not waving the American flag.

I don’t hate America, nor do I hate Americans. I hate inciting war for profit. I hate playing on the emotional heartstrings of a nation to further the political agenda of a few old men in places of power. I hate seeing friends of mine that are serving grow nervous and afraid, because the current regime has dictated that "Have no doubt, our servicemen and women will be in harms way to ensure that our way of life will be protected." What you may glean from this, besides that President Bush's speechwriters have the combined talent of a flock of flying monkeys, is that your family and friends are going to be used poorly to enforce a knee-jerk foreign policy instead of focusing on prevention. The 'job' of the most powerful nation on earth, is to make bloody sure it's citizens have food on their table, a roof over every single one of their heads, build schools that are temples to knowledge and the ensure that the teachers enshrined within them are worshiped, and that any man, woman or child may walk to the market without fear of being robbed, raped, and murdered. Our ‘job’ is not to go overseas to rob, rape, and murder.

3. George W. Bush is not God. He's not even an Apostle. President Bush, I freely admit, was the lesser of two evils. Obviously I voted for Ralph Nader, but out of the two big tickets, I couldn’t in good conscience vote Democrat, not after eight years of that dotty wank Clinton and the thought of four years of mister "I Invented the Internet" Al Gore was intolerable. I couldn’t help but think of how in the ‘72 campaign - McGovern Vs Nixon (for more information, read "Fear and Loathing on the 72" Campaign Trail", probably the best book on American politics I have ever read.), the Democratic party had basically disintegrated in such a way that the only vote that made a sense in King Hell was a Nixon vote. Fast forward to this last election and the wicked melee that ensued. Bush was obviously a high-powered wind up toy yammering whatever his father told him to say and Gore was suffering from so much Clinton fatigue that a vote for him meant four more years recounting how much of a bummer the previous eight had been. A bad trip all around. So in came Nader, leeching the Democratic vote just as Perot leeched the Republican, and voila; just what the drunken frat boys at the UW want: More Bush.

4. America's conservation record under a Republican controlled White House has been continually worse and worse with every administration. We haven’t gotten to the point where we are carpet-bombing groves of redwoods quite yet, but I am sure big business can only hope.

FACT: Alaska is America's only remaining untarnished piece of real estate that it has left.

FACT: If Alaska were completely milked dry of all crude oil, there would only be enough oil to change petrol market prices in the continental United States for one day. One day.

With as much money as it would cost to inspect, drill, ship, et cetera; America could continue to pioneer alternate forms of engines that don’t require fossil fuels. However, that would throw the Detroit Three into a lurch and since they have contributed heavily to the Republican campaign, there is little chance of that ever happening.

It is a senseless debate. I sat for almost an hour hurling pearls before swine. In the end it was all just a mental exercise. In reality the average American both loves and hates the status quo and he also desperately needs it. Americans want the same security their parents and their grandparents enjoyed. If their way of life is threatened then what's a few broken heads? What's an invasion, a police action, a proportional response when compared the few moments of peace afforded to us by the deaths of others?

My brother just shook his head, "Justin, you are such a tree-hugging liberal."

Yeah, maybe. But at least I haven’t sold my soul. Just leased it.