Vol 4 Issue 40

Hello there Seattle, Captain Underdog again. Well, April is upon us and the joking will begin. This month I thought I would give the clubs a break and let you in on some of my best known practical jokes and pranks. First off, let me get this out of the way: If you are dumb enough to follow in our footsteps, you can not hold me or the folks who print this rag responsible. This is just a list of our pranks. DO NOT ATTEMPT ANY OF THEM! Under any circumstances! Everyone got that? MmmKay!

Everyone has heard of the banana in the tail pipe trick, right? Well, here is a new one. Take your friend’s hubcap off and place a couple of marbles inside it (of course, this only works on solid hubcaps, not one’s with holes). Carefully place the cap back on and enjoy your friend’s bewilderment when the marbles roll around inside the hubcap while the car moves slowly. Once it reaches about 10 mph the "clankin" noise will cease. I promise it will ‘drive’ your friend nuts! "Drive," get it?

This next one is sooooo fuckin’ cool… I mean cruel! It makes a real mess, too, so don’t do it! You’ll need a plastic plate, duct tape, and a piece of raw fish about the size of your palm. That’s right… raw fish. Place the fish on the plate, then add four strips of duct tape around the lip of the plate – allowing about 1⁄2 inch overhang off the edge of the plate. Now place the whole thing to the underside of a coffee/dinning table in your friend’s home.

For the next couple of days nothing really happens. That, however, will quickly change. The longer the fish stays the stinker it gets. I have seen people remove all their furniture from a room to shampoo the rugs, only to have it smell like my first girlfriend again a couple of hours later! Damn, I miss her when I tell that story.

This next one I learned from an old army buddy of mine. He used it to rid himself of an ex-wife. First you’ll have to make a trip to Flying J or some other truck stop along any major highway. These places are great for oddities. Then you’ll need to buy a trucker alarm clock. This isn’t just any alarm clock – it’s a wafer-thin clock, and it’s so freaking loud! Let’s repeat that, it’s freaking loud!

What makes this gag work is you can set this thing to go off for just a few seconds at time. I have tried this one and, let me say, it fucking rocks! Set it to go off at, something like 3:13 in the morning, and to turn off 10 to 20 seconds later. Then tape it to the underside of the table or couch while your friend’s disposed in the bathroom or changing. At 3am when it goes off, it last just long enough for your buddy to wake-up but not long enough for them to find the noise. I love this one, but I can’t speak for any of my victims.

My last gag is one that my brothers and I pulled on our mother years ago. For this one you have to make sure that your friend’s door opens into a room, and you’ll need a roll of clear packing tape. A bedroom door is perfect for this. Starting at the top of the door, tape across the frame with the sticky side facing the room. Continue with one strip after another until the entire doorway is covered – you may have to crawl out a window or leave a space at the bottom to crawl under. If done right, your friend will walk right into a web of sticky fun.

These gags are cruel, so I hope your friends are cool as we were – that is, if you dare attempt any of them. But Remember, I said don’t try any of these pranks, under any circumstances! Tempting, huh?

Hope you like these and I will look for you all next month.
Captain Underdog.