by Mistress Blue - Vol 3 Issue 34

Bondage is a great place for beginners to start exploring BDSM play. It doesn't usually hurt, doesn't require huge expenditures on toys, and can be done with a minimal skill set. One of the advantages of bondage as opposed to many other activities is it's already considered fairly mainstream--this often makes it less scary and intimidating to your partner.

Before you bring out the handcuffs, however, it's a good idea to learn some basic safety and comfort tips to avoid hurting or scaring away the partner being bound.

Basic Bondage Safety

The concept of bondage is pretty simple: binding the body of your bottom (the partner who is being bound) to itself or to other objects to restrict movement. Variations on that theme are almost endless. If you keep a few simple rules in mind, however, you can avoid common pitfalls that can result in injury or discomfort.

1. Never bind your partner in a way that could cause pressure on the neck. This obviously includes tying up your partner by the collar or neck. But also beware configurations that could risk strangulation should your partner pass out or fall down.

2. Never leave your partner alone while he or she is in bondage. Should something happen, it is your responsibility to get your partner out of the bondage. You can pretend to leave the room, but you should always be there in case you need to intervene.

3. Always have some means of quick release at hand. If your partner needs to be removed to bondage, you will be able to facilitate a fast escape. Reasons range from the life-threatening--your partner has a sudden medical emergency, the house is on fire, etc.--to the discomfiting (your partner is getting freaked out).

Quick release safety gear comes in many forms. Many rope bondage and suspension enthusiasts use metal connectors called "panic snaps," which allow you to disconnect bonds that have weight on them. If you are using rope, fabric, or leather restraints, an inexpensive pair of medical safety scissors is a must. These scissors, available at any medical supply store and many army surplus stores, cost under $5 and can cut through almost any material, including sheet metal. They are blunt and have a bent metal tip to protect the bottom's skin. Buy a couple and keep them nearby during your bondage scenes.

I also keep a pair of bolt-cutters handy, mainly to cut locks and chain if necessary. If you are faced with an emergency, don't hesitate to cut through your best set of locks or even your expensive leather restraints if need be. They can always be replaced--your bottom can't!

4. Beware of restraints that are too tight, especially on the wrists and ankles. BDSM tradition says that if you can't fit a finger between the restraint and the bottom's wrist, it's too tight. Watch for hands or other bound areas turning purple or getting cold.

5. Try to avoid bondage positions that put strain on the bottom's limbs. Certain positions are more comfortable than others. While standing spread-eagled looks great in bondage videos, it can rapidly become tiring. Be aware that binding the bottom's arms above his or her head can lead to shoulder strain and discomfort. Any time a bound bottom is standing, try to ensure he or she is bending the knees slightly. Locking the knees can actually cause someone to pass out eventually.

Some of the more comfortable bondage positions include lying down on a bed, tied seated in a chair, or over the arm of a couch.

6. Don't try to suspend anyone until you have learned how, hands-on, from someone who really knows what they are doing. Suspension is an advanced BDSM activity that requires skill and practice. If you really want to do suspension, find a reputable top who is well-known for safe suspensions and ask to learn.

Bondage Materials

The type of materials you can use for bondage is virtually limitless. I've seen people use everything from morning glory vines to electric cord. Certain materials, however, are more popular.

Rope
This is what most non-scenesters automatically think of when they hear the word "bondage." Rope lends a definite flavor to a scene, and works well in many roleplaying scenarios. It is not, however, the easiest way to start out with bondage. Rope has disadvantages--it is fairly easy to get out of, it can be hard to tie properly without cutting off the bottom's circulation, and it can cause nasty rope burns if it is too rough (although some tops use rough rope precisely for that effect, it's better if you are doing it on purpose).

That said, rope is inexpensive and easily available everywhere. With a little practice, you can learn to tie rope for bondage with only a couple of knots--you don't have to memorize the entire Boy Scout knot manual. And it's an innocent-looking toy that you can store in the open without embarrassment.

If you are purchasing rope at your local hardware store, look for soft nylon or poly rope that is braided, not twisted. Good diameters run between 3/16" and 1/2". Figure on about 15 feet of rope per binding--so if you want to bind hands together and feet together, buy 30 feet; if you want to tie 4 limbs separately to a bed frame, get at least 60 feet. Wrap the ends of the rope with electrical tape to keep it from unraveling.

You can also buy bondage rope online at a reasonable price. I find the best source for quality poly rope to be http://rainbowrope.com/. It's not much more expensive than what you'd find at Home Depot, and comes in a huge variety of colors. They will even make you a custom color or color combination.

For some rope connoisseurs, hemp is the material of choice. Hemp is a natural fiber that is rougher than poly rope. It tends to stay in place better with less slippage. Many serious shibari (Japanese rope bondage) enthusiasts swear by hemp. You can buy high-quality hemp rope, ready for bondage, at http://www.twistedmonk.com/, run by a local fellow.

You can secure almost any binding with just two knots, the familiar half-hitch and the square knot. See photos for a simple binding. When using rope, your main concern will be to prevent the rope from over-tightening. If you just tie somebody's wrist to the bedframe with a regular knot, the rope can tighten with tension put upon it, constricting around the wrist and cutting off circulation. The binding in the photo takes the pressure off the bound limb.

Fabric
Scarves, silk, scraps, pantyhose, robe belts and the like all belong in this category. While fabric may seem like the easiest choice, it has a long list of drawbacks. The biggest disadvantage is that it is hard to tie properly to avoid cutting off circulation--although you can use the same technique as that illustrated with rope to avoid this mishap. The second drawback is that silk and silky fabric/pantyhose is very difficult to untie once someone has pulled on the knot. If you really like fabric, however, it's usable--just be prepared to use it one time only and cut it off if necessary.

Zip-ties
Zip-ties tend to cut into flesh and are especially bad when used to bind a limb to something else. However, if they are an integral part of your roleplay, then they can be used with care for short periods of time. Definitely have a set of safety scissors to cut these off!

Electrical cords and other materials
Use any of these at your own risk. Electrical cords are particularly hard to use because they don't hold knots well. Natural materials like vines aren't usually strong enough or flexible enough to use. But if you find something that works, just keep safety in mind.

Pre-Made Restraints
I find that most tops I know tend to use pre-made restraints in the majority of our scenes--unless the top is a rope bondage enthusiast. Restraints are quick to apply, more secure than rope or fabric, and often more comfortable with less risk of cutting off circulation. Their main drawback is their expense. I find, however, that the investment I have made in quality leather restraints has paid off in years of excellent service and playtime.

Leather Cuffs
Leather cuffs are the meat-and-potatoes restraints in the BDSM scene. I highly recommend investing in a set of quality leather restraints if you are interested in bondage. Leather is durable and lends itself well to restraints that are hard to get out of yet fairly comfortable. In my opinion, their biggest advantage is they need no special skill to use and present a reduced danger of cutting off circulation or digging into flesh.

A good-quality pair of leather cuffs will last you many years. Check the cuffs before you buy to ensure they have quality metal hardware and leather, as well as properly joined or sewn seams. Cuffs may be stiff when first purchased but will usually soften with use.

Metal Restraints
Metal manacles are usually very expensive and not very comfortable. Well-made manacles have rounded edges and can be used without a huge danger of them digging into flesh, but cheaper metal restraints can cut into delicate tissue.
Handcuffs

I recommend handcuffs only for short periods if at all. They are quite uncomfortable and can really dig into skin. Make sure to buy high-quality (and usually expensive) handcuffs that are double-locking--that is, they can be locked against collapse to prevent overtightening. Sometimes I use handcuffs over soft leather restraints or rope to ensure security.

The Security Issue

So you have your brand-new set of restraints in hand, a bunch of rope to tie your bottom to the bed … what more do you need? Depending on your bottom's desires, you'll have to decide whether to add some kind of lock or other assurance that the bottom can't get out.

For most people, especially beginners, just being tied up or restrained is scary enough. But some people don't find it exciting unless they are certain they can't escape.

Practically anyone can get out of rope bondage eventually, even with very tight bindings (which you don't want anyway--they will restrict circulation). You don't have many options for security there. Leather restraints are much harder to get out of, but if your bottom's hands are near each other or can get to each other, they can simply release themselves. I solve this issue by using small locks on my leather restraints, both on the closing mechanism and to attach the restraints to the bondage frame or chains.

Metal cuffs and handcuffs are generally pretty secure, provided you are using a lock on the manacles.

If you are using locks of any kind, keep the keys nearby and consider buying a bolt cutter for emergency use. Some tops keep the keys on their regular keyring to ensure they don't lose them.

Bondage Headspace

When you first introduce your partner to bondage, it's best to hold off on combining it with other activities, including being blindfolded. The feeling of helplessness is usually enough to process without also dealing with pain or mental domination. The one activity I do recommend, however, is erotic play or sex--something pleasurable.

Pay close attention to how your partner is reacting to the bondage, and adjust bindings if they request it. Be prepared to unbind your partner immediately if he or she requests it as well. You can use safewords (a word like "red" that means "stop the scene") as a backup, but if it is your partner's first time being bound, I recommend that you use standard communication like "OK, I need you to untie me now" as well.

With the right approach, you and your partner should be able to explore bondage safely--and find out if it's fun for you!

Mistress Blue is a professional Dominatrix. You may reach her through her Web site at www.bluedungeon.com.

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