by Lady Ash
March 2003

Domination: rule or control by superior power

Role play: a technique in which participants assume and act out roles so as to resolve conflicts, improve behavior, etc.

I am adamant regarding the differences between these two oft-requested activities. They overlap and intertwine enough so as to be indistinguishable, but they really are two cards in the same deck. I will get calls from prospective clients who say, “I just want to be dominated,” or, “I don’t like the whips and chains.” I’ll address each separately.

“I just want to be dominated.”

To me, this means the client wants me in my purest form with as few trappings and gewgaws as possible. They want to be ruled and controlled by ME, not their mother or teacher or some other amorphous authority figure. I go into these sessions making sure they see me as real and dangerous, certain they know my approval is paramount to their desires. I am brutally honest. If I am not pleased, they must remedy it as soon as possible. They must and will endure discomfort at my discretion to earn my favor. My domination sessions are a lot like Catholicism; every client begins their time a sinner.

“I don’t like the whips and chains.”

Okay, so why did you call? This type of client takes a little more drawing out. They have a very specific fantasy, but are reluctant to talk about it. The need to know I will not judge or laugh. Every confession has begun with, “you probably think this is weird, but…” Oh, honey, you have no idea what I think is weird. Living your whole life content with the Missionary Position; that’s WEIRD.

Role play requires a lot of improvising and creativity on my part. I never go half-assed and if I’m not comfortable with the fantasy, I say so. Some of my role-play sessions have been the most fun I’ve had. They can get downright naughty. I can tease and torture a client even more effectively when the role I’ve chosen is very rigid, like Sunday school teacher or mother. That “box” is so narrow, it makes deviant behavior positively wicked.

I’m lucky enough to have a good balance of clients. I never do the same thing twice, even if I discover something with one client that I know another will enjoy. Sometimes, I use intimidation in role play or reduce a client to a whining puppy during a domination scene. It’s fun when things overlap and I really like to have the freedom to do whatever strikes my fancy. The true test of my ability is when a client asks for something specific with clearly defined boundaries. I relish the challenge and rise to the occasion.

My reward is when my client does, as well.