By Christopher Ryan Disario
Vol 1 issue 9

Nick DiPaolo is the last of his kind – or the first of a new generation – whichever way you want to look at it. He says everything you want to say but are afraid someone might hear you. Nick is a fearless comic, sick of the soft politically correct attitude that’s got this country by the balls, he’ll say what he wants, how he wants, when he wants. If you’re looking for an apology, look somewhere else because this is who he is, if you don’t like it- tough. He’s a regular guest on the Howard Stern Show, he’s appeared on “The Sopranos,” he was a writer on “The Chris Rock Show” (he was nominated for two Emmy awards for that stint). These days you can see Nick every week on Comedy Central’s “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn”- If you haven’t seen “Tough Crowd” think “Politically Incorrect” if it really had of been politically incorrect (and funny).

Recently Nick DiPaolo played four shows at Giggle’s in the U- District, and if you missed it, you missed an opportunity. Half the crowd didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The other half was laughing so hard they were crying. Originally from Boston, Nick now lives in New York City, where he’s gained a reputation as one of the hardest working guys in comedy and one of the best.

Off stage Nick doesn’t change much. He’s quiet. It’s hard to tell whether he’s taking mental notes about everything, waiting to find some observation to add to his act or whether he’s just weary from the road. On Friday, June 13th, Nick was like a silver back gorilla in the zoo. Surrounded by fans and fellow comics he was polite, occasionally busting out some hysterical banter, occasionally retreating to a corner booth to get away from the chaos.

Comedy has gotten weird – too many guys in suits talking about taking out the garbage. Too many inane obseravations and polite people smiling, all trying to be witty in front of a microphone. Nick DiPaolo brings comedy back to the basics – back to what it was always meant to be – funny. One part Denis Leary, one part Jerry Seinfeld- Nick is Nick. Honest, edgy and absolutely hysterical.

This is the debut of “7 Deadly Questions”. When I came up with the idea for this column I couldn’t have imagined a better inaugural candidate. After all, if there is a comedy club in hell, Nick DiPaolo would be the headlining act.

Pride
What’s the worst trouble your ego has ever gotten you into?
One night, years ago, I end up meeting this stripper after a show and we get drunk. Just really drunk. This girl’s a 14 on a scale of ten. She takes me home, but I’m so drunk I can’t get it up. I got so embarrassed that I grabbed my shit and went home. That’s the difference when you get older, I don’t know why I didn’t just say “Let’s go to sleep now and fuck in the morning.”

Envy
If you could switch lives with anyone in the world, who would it be?
This bathroom attendant I met in Chicago one night- I checked out his tip jar and he had like 1,100 bucks in there. That’s not a bad job. Seriously though? Tiger Woods if he was white. Mick Jagger if he was young.

Gluttony
Food, Sex, Drugs or alcohol- Which way you going out?
Masturbation. Jesus, I got so many scars on my dick it looks like Bobby Orr’s knees. You know how some guys are obsessive compulsive with the drugs and the booze? I’m not like that. I can’t work that way. I have a couple of cigarettes, but mostly that’s it. It’d have to be sex.

Lust
What character trait or physical feature in a person drives you wild?
On guys, definitely the neck. On girls? Lips. I’m always looking at a woman’s mouth and trying to figure out the way it’d fit around my cock…let’s see you print that in your paper!

Anger
When was the last day you can remember that you didn’t get angry?
Shit- the day I was baptized I was trying to piss in the priest’s face. Anger is a gift and you got to use it. But, I’ll say the last day I wasn’t angry…when the Patriot’s won the Super Bowl. That was a good day.

Greed
What’s the worst thing you ever did to make a few bucks?
Comedy.

Sloth
How much time you spend on the couch?
Jesus Christ, Chris Reeves burns more calories than I do. I’m a big football fan, if there’s a football game on you can’t get me out of my recliner.

For information on where you can catch Nick DiPaolo, visit- www.nickdip.com